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When Saying Sorry Isn’t Enough – Part 1

When Saying Sorry Isn’t Enough – Part 1

Most of the time if we have done something wrong and make a genuine apology then, provided that we do not repeat the behaviour, saying sorry is enough to repair the damage caused. We might not be forgiven immediately but usually with the passage of time we can make amends if we are genuine in our desire to do so. Obviously it is easier for our apology to achieve the desired result if our misdemeanour is a minor one as far as the person who is accepting our apology is concerned. A situation is much easier to put right if we haven’t done something so awful that it will cause someone to hate us and/or be furious with us for a very long time.

However much we might wish we could unsay what has been said or undo what has been done when have hurt another badly; there are however some times where saying sorry isn’t enough. No matter how contrite we feel and however much we wish we could turn the clock back and undo the wrong we have done someone it can’t be done.

Romantic relationships are one of the strongest human bonds out there but that bond is not completely unbreakable however much we’d like it to be. These types of relationships are built on trust, and in some instances this trust can be completely shattered. As anyone who takes even a cursory glance at magazines, newspapers, the web etc. will know, there are plenty of situations where trust that may have taken years to build is gone in an instant with little chance to regain it. The person who has had their trust betrayed is unlikely to want to run the very real risk of being hurt again and certainly not by the person who caused all their heartache.

Let’s look at that C-word that can kill a relationship stone dead … cheating. This is a pretty big ‘risk’ in almost any relationship. In a perfect world cheating would not happen but at the time of writing the world is not perfect!  Cheating is one of the biggest relationship killers in the world. Unless there is a very good reason for it most of us will not tolerate being cheated on. We might forgive it once but as the saying goes – fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on you. Most of us don’t apply the three strikes and you’re out rule to a cheating lover. They might get a second chance but that’s usually it.

Let’s be honest, if you were caught cheating it is highly likely that saying sorry to your lover just won’t cut it. It doesn’t matter how long you have been with them. In fact the longer you have been with them the more they will feel betrayed in many circumstances. Cheating really is the ultimate form of betrayal and their trust will be completely shattered. Their confidence may also have taken a severe knock too. This is a classic example of when saying sorry to your partner isn’t enough even if backed up with an expensive ‘please forgive me’ gift. A gift may actually make things worse as most people don’t like to feel that they are regarded as shallow enough to be bought off. Also they might wonder if a pattern of betrayal followed by a half-hearted sorry and some compensatory gifts is now going to be the accepted norm.

In the cheating scenario there will be all sorts of emotions at play. These emotions will be preventing the relationship from moving forward even if it is salvageable – often it is not. How can the betrayed partner ever trust the cheater again? When it comes to cheating;  if you truly do regret what you have done and really want to be with your partner; it is not a case of just saying sorry, it is a case of rebuilding that trust. And this is where most people fail.

Assuming that you will be given a chance to make amends and this is by no means guaranteed as the other person isn’t obliged to give you a second chance nor are they obliged to accept your apology – but you must give it all the same. Yes, saying sorry isn’t going to be enough and you aren’t going to make your problems go away with a few words however heartfelt they might be, but it is a start. And it is a start that you need to ensure goes as well as it possibly can do …

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