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Needs Met, No Sweat Part 1 of 3

Needs Met, No Sweat Part 1 of 3

For those of you who are looking for love, there are three proven, pragmatic and spiritual principles.

  1. For most of us, we recognise there are things missing within ourselves, so we seek someone else who seems to possess those qualities we perceive that we lack.
  2. Like does most assuredly attract like, so we attract people who have the same gaps that we do.
  3. We develop an image of what we feel we need in our mind and therefore have a tendency to attract this into our lives.

So, we obviously need a clear idea of what we want and expect from a partner.

Take a clean sheet of paper and write down everything you need and expect from someone – for example, availability, affection, commitment, fidelity and so on.

Do you need a partner to satisfy all of these needs or just some of them? Maybe you might like to consider creating a system or context that meets (and maybe exceeds) these needs for you.

Want unquestioning devotion? A dog is your friend here. Want eloquent aloofness and smarts, a cat might just do, should they deign to grace your domicile.

Now, how many of these needs and wants can be obtained from someone or something else that is not a partner? Create an ecosystem to deliver these needs and wants. The more needs you can satisfy yourself, the stronger you are. So now you can afford to be very selective in choosing a partner. You’re not in a subservient position, for sure.

Context is key here. Check out all the other parts of your life and make sure it’s full and satisfying. This ensures you are less intense or even needy, which is a major turnoff for most partners, apart from the most manipulative, which you don’t want in your life, right? You are self-contained and aloof.

Which makes you a lot more attractive, to both yourself and to others.

So, in this new headspace, what do you expect a partner to deliver that you feel you, yourself, are lacking? Do you want someone who you feel is honest because you feel dishonest? Are you searching for someone with different values and standards? Be prepared to embrace an epic fail unless you are prepared to live according to their values and modify yours. Or decide to find a partner whose values match your own.

If you choose to metamorphose into the type of person you want to attract, off you eagerly go on your quest. Spend time on this and do it seriously, but don’t neglect the other important parts of your life that give it validity, meaning and enjoyment.

Where will you meet a suitable partner, clubs, friends, family, agencies, a spontaneous stroll through a shopping mart? Try to work out the areas most likely to work for you. And of course you can’t negate the possibility of a leftfield encounter with the person of your dreams that happens in the most unexpected place, right?

As an observation, the success of any relationship depends on how well it satisfies our needs. For a long term relationship involving raising children, it’s clear that a partner who satisfies our long term needs and shares our values is paramount. It obviously helps if they want children as well.

Sensual gratification or just having fun could be satisfied by a short term, light-hearted fling. Many relationships wither and die because we may choose somebody who satisfies the needs of our yesterdays but not our current ones.

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