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0-60 or What Would You Take With You? Part 4 of 4

0-60 or What Would You Take With You? Part 4 of 4

If everything can be taken away, you have a number of responses. If you’ve prepared yourself mentally, you’ll realise that this is has always been an option as life is inherently unpredictable.

You’re working on the ultimate short-term contract with no guaranteed benefits. So don’t get too attached or emotionally engaged and just recognize and enjoy it for what it is. Embrace it while you can, be mindfully aware and engaged but don’t think that it will last forever.

Some people are savvy enough to address this possibility and confront it head on.

They use a technique called the Premeditation of Evils to work out the worst case possible scenario and how they’d deal with it.

Lost your job – get another one or try something different. Partner waltzed off with their yoga instructor – hopefully they’ll get the spiritual enlightenment (and toned physique) they always wanted whilst you look for someone more suitable. Stock market crashed and your pension wiped out – well, perhaps there’s enough money to backpack around South East Asia then see what happens. Your female Bengal cat named Ayesha come back and birthed ten kittens by different tomcats – maybe you could run a cat sanctuary.

This way, you’re better prepared as you’ve done a mental rehearsal and visualization. This technique isn’t something practitioners dwell on or engage in all the time – maybe just for a few minutes to acquaint themselves with all possibilities and work out the best response. You’re not looking to be morbid or to catastrophize – that’s what Toxics excel at.

If you’re going to adopt a more mindful, engaged but slightly detached view of life, you’ll:

  1. a) become more aware of how quickly time passes and that you have a finite amount left – get a metronome with the beater shaped like a scythe to remind yourself occasionally.
  2. b) become more selective about who and what you allow or attract into your life, thus focusing on what adds value.
  3. c) reject and exclude things that are of no benefit to you, things that detract from your enjoyment of life.
  4. d) realise that you can walk away from situations, contexts and people that are no good for you. This may take some planning and effort, but you have every right to do so. You’re pulling your own strings and there’s no celestial puppeteer responsible for your actions, right?

Now, some people will object to the very notion that you may elect to walk away. You’ll get accusations of being selfish, not looking out for others, being irresponsible and so on. You may weigh these arguments and look at the agendas of those who make them (and whether or not those people and their arguments have any relevance or validity).

You’ll also realise that when you are being more selective about what you want in your life, you’ll examine how much you want to invest in relations with others and whether that investment is worth the expenditure of energy, both psychologically and emotionally.

You also have a responsibility to them as fellow travellers in this wonderful and unpredictable life. So, although you may sometimes feel the need to cut and run, that may not be the most appropriate option at the time – especially if you’ve chosen these people and created expectations on both sides (and not had them foisted on you).

Walking away from Toxic people is one of the most effective ways of getting your life back on track. You may also wish to walk away from toxic contexts (a workplace that is bad for your physical and psychological health) or even the country in which you live, if you feel that there are more conducive opportunities elsewhere.

Sometimes being selfish, i.e. acting entirely in accordance with your own interests and your own nature, is your only viable life choice.

Sure, you may need to make provision to deal with whatever responsibilities you’ve accumulated over the years, but this can be viewed as a series of practical steps or challenges that need to be surmounted to get you to where you think or feel that you want to be.

So sit down, enjoy your favourite libation. Look around you, at the life you’ve created, all the stuff that acts as the backdrop to it. Is it a keeper, should you mod it, or should you press your pedal to the metal?

Or, if you don’t want to go to those extremes, what minor changes can you start to make to get things closer to what and where you want to be?

To find out more about how to deal with a toxic person take a look at the How To Deal With ToXiCs Combat Manual ebook, which is an upgraded, harder hitting and expanded version of the How To Deal With A Toxic Person ebook. Click on the links to find out more and get your free sample.

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