Reinforce Your Friendships, Cull Your ToXiCs Part 2 of 2
If the Toxic feeds your mind with poisons (telling you that you ‘can’t’ possibly succeed in your resolution to change or do something different), those thoughts can embed and become part of your reality, especially at an unconscious level.
‘Oh,’ you think, as you look out of the window on a gray and wet January morning, ‘it’s cold and I can’t be bothered to go for a run. I’ll go back to bed instead and do it tomorrow’. One week later and you’ve yet to take that run, especially when you notice the subcutaneous fat encircling what used to be your waist. You meet the Toxic at the coffee shop, who dons their best ‘I told you so’ manner, a conspiratorial smile on their smug and gleeful face, and you realise what a toxic enabler this person is.
Better the devil you know than the positive change that really seems to much effort?
If you really do want to change and improve, people like this and the toxic thought chains they trigger in your mind (that keep you in a state of self-imposed idleness and failure), you’ll realise that they need to be discharged from your life – physically, mentally and emotionally. You may have more than one person like to deal with – a clusterfuck of toxics, so to speak, especially if they gang up on you to reinforce your natural disinclination to make changes to your life.
When a species grows to numbers that outstrip the resources necessary to sustain them, nature initiates a cull to rebalance things, and the excess numbers die off from starvation, inability to breed, predation or natural wastage, You should consider culling any superfluous influences that add no value to your life and in fact, undermine it. This can apply to foods that simply fill your gut whilst providing no nutritional advantage, items around the house you no longer like or need that have become dust traps or clutter, clothes that no longer suit you and so on.
These are all useful and admirable things to do, but you’ll find that culling toxic people is the most effective thing you can do. When you get rid of clutter that’s taking up space and costing you, you attain a sense of freedom and liberation – it’s as if by clearing space, you invite new energy and opportunity into your life. Similarly, once toxic influences depart, you get rid of a lot of repetitive, boring negative energy and clear the decks for newer, more positive influences. You spend more time doing things you like with your close friends, as opposed to discharging social obligations to people you don’t really like and who are bad to be around.
Out with the old and in with the new.
Toxics don’t like it when you get rid of them, and will plead, cajole or threaten in order to stay part of your life. You need to be firm and resolute when you wave goodbye to them, and stick to your guns. You’ll develop qualities of resilience, fortitude and courage.
You’ll find that by burning bridges, you light your path forward. Time to reach for the flamethrower, maybe?
There’s a specific technique that can be employed in the elimination of toxic influences known as TTP or the Toxic Termination Process.
The process can be summarised as identifying the Toxic (you’ll most likely know the main culprits, but consider the effect that other people have on your life and whether they enter the toxic radar screen too); and working out whether you can negotiate with them to encourage them to modify their behaviour (you’ll not be able to change who or what they are, but you can change the way they interact with you to something that you may find more acceptable, assuming you are prepared to keep them in your life).
If negotiation fails, or you just feel that it would be better for you to get rid of them permanently, you have two further stages – Last Rites, and Burial.
With Last Rites, you tell them that you want them out of your life – keep this short and direct and don’t let them argue or change your mind. The Burial phase completes the cull as you cut them out of your life completely. You don’t let them back in, whatever they say or try to do. You’ve made the decision that their departure from your life is essential and non-negotiable. If they have any honour or integrity they’ll respect your wishes. If not, then you simply ignore them (or fight them off) until they get the message.
Both you and they need to move on and not stay hostage to the past. That way, the changes you resolve to make will take place as you are eliminating one of the main and most insistent hindrances to change and progress.
To find out more about how to deal with a toxic person checkout my How To Deal With People Who Are ToXiC . Click on the link to find out more and get your free sample.