Friday Flash Fiction – The Scarecrow Part 1 of 2

Friday Flash Fiction – The Scarecrow Part 1 of 2

120 225x300 Friday Flash Fiction   The Scarecrow Part 1 of 2

The scarecrow sat there his anger increasing with each passing moment.  He’d been sitting on his uncomfortable perch for too long and was starting to wonder if he looked like a demented budgie. ‘Tweet, tweet’ he thought snarkily. He also wondered if he could sneak into a local hostelry for a restorative drink or several.  He could tag along with a group of marshals. They wouldn’t notice an extra scarecrow, surely.

A likely group came into view bearing clipboards. Judges not marshals them. ‘Wonder if I can sneak off once they’ve gone’ he thought. He willed them to hurry up as he was beginning to get serious cramp. ‘How the hell do you judge a scarecrow anyway? I’ll give the sour faced one 1/10 for effort and pretty little thing at the back gets an 11!’ The pretty little thing in question gave him a beaming smile as she walked round him.

‘Down boy!’ he smirked to himself as she went on to stroke his blue mane of hair and straighten his tie. ‘This one gets 10 out of 10’ she said cheerily. ‘I love scary clowns!’

‘Scary clowns aren’t serial killers so he doesn’t count! The rules are quite simple. The theme for the competition is serial killers and scary clowns aren’t serial killers!’ snapped the sour-faced judge who reminded the scarecrow of his embittered ex wife.

‘What about John Wayne Gacy?’ retorted the pretty one. ‘He was the ultimate in scary clowns, surely!’

‘She has a point’ replied a lanky youth. ‘I’d give him a 10 too!’

He waited patiently as four out of the five judges mutinied and awarded him 10s. Sourpuss refused to vote and was promptly jettisoned from the judging panel. ‘Yet another rejection’ thought the clown ‘serves you right. Get your facts right before taking a position!’

The clown noted with wry amusement that the winner of this competition was going to be more about settling old scores than actual merit. That wasn’t to say that he wasn’t the best entry. As far as he was concerned he was. He was also unique as he was the only scarecrow that hadn’t been made by someone unless you counted his parents.

He was unique in other ways too. Firstly, he was the only living scarecrow. The marshals and judges did not count as they were humans pretending to be scarecrows. Secondly he really was a killer clown. Today however he was on sabbatical and here was a pleasant place to spend it. He and Wayne, his partner in crime and fellow scary clown had hidden the white van well out of sight. Both had periods where they wondered whether to re-spray the van a different colour as they’d had so many failed abductions of late that there was now an urban myth pertaining to serial killer clowns in white vans.

He rather fancied painting the van in lurid psychedelic hues while Wayne felt a discrete ‘tasteful’ colour like black to be more appropriate. Perhaps they could spend some of their down time pimping their van which had seen more action than an aging hooker.

The scarecrow watched people come and go. He wondered how many times he was going to appear on social media and whether he should have washed his clothes for the occasion. He’d forgotten how much the general public liked their scary clowns. Wayne would have laughed at that one given how many of their victims joked about them being serial killers. ‘Or should that be joked until the knives and duct tape came out?’ he wondered.

He also wondered where Wayne was. It was getting cold, the rain was sheeting down and a serious wind was making its presence felt. As were several pairs of hands. Before he had time to react he was thrown into the back of a very smelly truck. ‘Not serial killer clowns, then. We always have white vans’ he observed. This was followed by wondering where Wayne was when you needed him.

His thoughts were interrupted by the truck juddering to a halt outside a local pub. ‘We’ve brought the guy. It’s a scary clown!’ came a familiar voice. Sourpuss’ was about to have her revenge he thought as he was unceremoniously hoisted onto the bonfire.

‘It looks like the winning scarecrow!’ came another voice. ‘Won’t someone notice it’s been stolen?’

‘Hardly’ Sourpuss said gleefully, ’rules have just been changed. All the entries for the scarecrow competition get burnt on Bonfire Night instead of going on display and cluttering up the village!’

With that Sourpuss and company headed into the pub known as The Burning Man to get hammered. He lay there on top of the unlit bonfire. He tried to move but couldn’t due to the amount of straw and sand that Wayne had sown into his scarecrow disguise. Not for the first time he cursed Wayne’s attention to detail.

To be continued next week…

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Cancer Zodiac Sign Flower Photo – Halloween Pumpkin Photo 3 – Oh My Gourd!!

Cancer Zodiac Sign Flower Photo – Halloween Pumpkin Photo 3 – Oh My Gourd!!

002 300x225 Cancer Zodiac Sign Flower Photo   Halloween Pumpkin Photo 3   Oh My Gourd!!

Pumpkins are associated with the Zodiac sign Cancer.

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Cancer Zodiac Sign Flower Photo – Halloween Pumpkin Photo 2 – A Handsome Pair

Cancer Zodiac Sign Flower Photo – Halloween Pumpkin Photo 2 – A Handsome Pair

001 300x225 Cancer Zodiac Sign Flower Photo   Halloween Pumpkin Photo 2   A Handsome Pair

Pumpkins are associated with the Zodiac sign Cancer

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Cancer Zodiac Sign Flower Photo – Halloween Pumpkin Photo 1 – A Right Pair of Villains

Cancer Zodiac Sign Flower Photo – Halloween Pumpkin Photo 1 – A Right Pair of Villains

006 300x225 Cancer Zodiac Sign Flower Photo   Halloween Pumpkin Photo 1   A Right Pair of Villains

Pumpkins are associated with the Zodiac sign Cancer

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My Bad. How To Apologize To Aries & Taurus.

My Bad. How To Apologize To Aries & Taurus.

My Bad. How To Apologize To Aries.

Don your body armor and be brave because your apology will need to be made face-to-face anything less (like sending a card or e-mail or e-mail) will be seen as cowardice. The Ram will not want to be deprived of the chance of accepting your apology or telling you where you can put your apology – and they will want to do it in person. If Aries is going to forgive you they will do quickly as this sign does not hold grudges, so make your apology sooner rather than later and make it sincere. Short, sincere and to the point. Aries isn’t interested in reasons or excuses nor are they interested in an apology that blames them for what happened.

If Aries tells you that they won’t forgive you can take them at their word. You messed up and it’s irretrievable so don’t waste time trying to apologize again at a later date. You’ll only annoy them further.

My Bad. How To Apologize To Taurus.

Although Taurus can hold a grudge, particularly when hurt, they tend to prefer to repair relationships rather than destroying them so luck is on your side here. You will have to pick your time though as the Bull does not tend to forgive slights, hurts and behavior quickly.

You may have to keep apologizing until the Bull ‘gets’ that if you are putting this much effort in then the likelihood is that you regret what you’ve done. To help things along ensure that you explain that this will never happen again and allow your Taurus friend, colleague or lover to have their input. You might not like what they to say, you might feel that it’s unfair but you do need to listen.

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Weekly Poll: Which Zodiac Sign Is Most Likely To Resort To Emotional Blackmail?

Which Zodiac Sign Is Most Likely To Resort To Emotional Blackmail?

Which Zodiac Sign Is Most Likely To Resort To Emotional Blackmail? Vote now.

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One for National Cat Day

humorous ginger and white cat photo 300x225 One for National Cat Day

Fishing for compliments!

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A couple of Halloween Cartoons

A couple of Halloween Cartoons. Enjoy!

 A couple of Halloween Cartoons

 A couple of Halloween Cartoons

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How To Deal With Toxic People Book Cover

How To Deal With Toxic People Book Cover

How To Deal With Toxic People Book Cover 199x300 How To Deal With Toxic People Book Cover

How to Deal with Toxic People is the astrology free version of

toxic sun sign relationships book cover 200x300 How To Deal With Toxic People Book Cover

Toxic Sun Sign Relationships book cover

and will be the first of the two books to be released.

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My Bad. How Capricorn, Aquarius & Pisces Apologize.

My Bad. How Capricorn, Aquarius & Pisces Apologize.

My Bad. How Capricorn Apologizes.

Capricorn will take their time before issuing an apology and usually it will be a heartfelt, well-deserved one. The only time that Capricorn will apologize for something that isn’t their fault is if they believe that there is merit in doing so (to salvage a long-term relationship with someone they love deeply for example).

Capricorn is likely to want to show that they understand why they were in the wrong so the apology is likely to be long and detailed. Like opposite sign Cancer they will pull out all the stops when it comes to showing how sorry they are. Unlike Cancer they won’t punish you for making them feel guilty. They are also more able to accept it and move on if an apology is rejected. For Capricorn the issuing of an apology is usually enough – if the other person doesn’t accept the apology, that’s just the way life is.

My Bad. How Aquarius Apologizes.

If Aquarius feels the need to apologize they will do so quickly and effectively. A quick sorry, no fancy words, no dramatic gestures and no icky emotions. They will want normality to resume as soon as possible.

My Bad. How Pisces Apologizes.

This will be as dramatic as the Leo apology but in a different. Forget the gifts and expensive gestures this will be straight out of reality TV with plenty of angst, soul-searing emotion and self-abasement. The Piscean will tell you exactly why they’re worthless, useless and not fit to kiss your feet. If this does not have the desired effect in terms of you forgiving them and reassuring them that they’re wonderful, they will then tell you exactly what they’ve done wrong and how they intend to put things right/ensure that this never happens again.

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