Motivational MacAstro: How To Deal With A Toxic Person

How To Deal With A Toxic Person - Terminate Toxics

To find out more about How To Deal With A Toxic Person click on the link to get your free book sample

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Could Rumination be the Death of You? Part 4 of 4

Could Rumination be the Death of You? Part 4 of 4

So how do you break this cycle, refocus your attention and energy, and move on to greener pastures?

  1. Distance from the person or situation – take time out. Just let go and things can fall away. You’ll gain a sense of perspective. Maybe even some wisdom and self respect. Do something different that engages and absorbs your attention fully. When you’re bobsleighing at the speed of sound your boss’s perceived diss is unlikely to register.
  2. See what happens next – you don’t need to respond immediately to anything. Just go with the flow and don’t get too hooked up in your drama.
  3. Stop playing the blame game. Shit happens, deal with it. The person whom you think is at fault may not be. Which isn’t a reason to over analyse and read too much into your role in the event.
  4. Don’t assume you know the other party or situation – it’s most likely that you don’t. And they’ll have a different, probably more contrarian view. Life works on insufficient data, that’s just how it is.
  5. Deal with your anger management issues – these cloud your judgment, taint your relationship with yourself and others, nuke your creativity, impede your ability to make decisions and plans (and execute them) and make you ill. Your amygdala goes into overdrive, a mass of stress hormones enter your bloodstream and negative physical and psychological consequences ensue.
  6. Just as you can never really know yourself, you can’t know others. You don’t always get their backstory or motivation or role in a situation. All that ruminating on why so and so did such and such and why I reacted as I did, or think I should have, is a complete waste of your irreplaceable time and energy. So you are bothering with this, why?
  7. You’re not that important in the great scheme of things – you’ll be dead soon enough, and you can never tell when that time will come. Time is running out and the stress is shortening your life even further. So why waste your time regretting or bitching about the past? You should be out there living, right?
  8. Don’t believe everything you think – detach from your thoughts and become the impartial observer. Watch for repeating patterns of negativity. Things may appear to be real, it doesn’t mean that they are true.
  9. Is there anything you can learn from this? Perhaps you have an opportunity for some form of closure and personal growth. If you can work out why you have such a strong reaction you can begin to clarify and detach. Perhaps you should invest some time and energy in creating a new, happier and more effective you. If this is your route forward, ask yourself how rumination fits in and adds value. If it doesn’t, ditch it.
  10. In what way do these events or situations define you? Is that all you have? If so, why? Does it make you happy or fulfilled or keep you locked in spiralling misery? If the latter, what are you going to do about it?
  11. You can always try meditation, mindfulness etc. to break the cycle. Relax, follow your breathing, watch those pesky thoughts emerge and fall away. Try some compassion meditation which will benefit yourself and others. Live in the present and detach from the dead past and unborn future.
  12. Apparently it takes nineteen seconds for an emotion to rise and then subside. So you can quickly shift out of a negative mood state and into a more life-enhancing one. Take fifteen in and out breaths and move your thinking on.

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For Tree Huggers Everywhere …

hugging tree

hugging tree

For tree huggers everywhere … a hugging tree!

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Could Rumination be the Death of You? Part 3 of 4

Could Rumination be the Death of You? Part 3 of 4

Therefore your relationships can end up contaminated and compromised. Who wants to be around a moody grouch who’s always mooching around the mausoleum of the past? And you never break the karmic cycle and move forward. Your perception of past events effectively hijacks your present and future. And, as a consequence, the harmony, happiness and equilibrium of those around you.

Rumination also starts to prematurely age you. If you constantly think about the past, you live in the past. Its grasping hands prevent you from enjoying the present and crush the life out of your future. If you want to see death at work, look in the mirror. You can almost imagine rumination accelerating that process.

Is that what you really want?

Brooding and rumination over perceived slights and situations might also turn you toxic, wherein you decide to stalk and harass the object of your disaffection. Not only does this have a negative impact on you and your long suffering friends and family, but it has an unwanted and undesirable effect on the object of your obsession and people within their environs. Not only is this unfair and unprincipled, but it’s illegal in most jurisdictions. Therefore someone may chose to take legal action against you.

Let’s say you are besotted with the idea of someone who’s made it abundantly clear that they are not interested in your amorous entreaties. If you’ve become obsessed with them, they may have picked up those ‘uh oh stalker’ vibes, set their boundaries and told you to stay away. They may have broken off all contact, leaving you with the choice of persisting with your unhealthy obsession or doing something useful with your life, like moving on and finding new people to hang with or new places to visit.

If you take the former route of rumination, you’ll be thinking about the situation, who said what, who did what and who was responsible and so on. This process can just run and run. Days become weeks, weeks become months, months morph into years.

You have no input from the recently departed party. You’ve given them no option but to stonewall you, right, so all you can rely on are your memories and perceptions of events. These, to say the least, will be highly personal and particularist.

They’ll represent one point of view. Yours.

If you continue in this state, the constant presence of stress hormones will start to nuke your specific memories of the person or situation. So you’ll start to fantasise more, imagine more and so on. Your handle on reality distorts to accommodate the rampant ramblings of your overheated ego. Your point of view will become more fixed and rigid, and you may well start to justify your actions, or perceptions of these actions, believing that those were the only ones possible or viable within that context.

The problem you have is that, no matter how long you spend on this, you can never be sure of anything. A thought might be dredged up regarding the situation that nuances the narrative, giving you what you might think to be a helpful perspective. But then what happens if that thought comes into conflict with another thought stream, causing you further cognitive dissonance?

The reality of the situation is that things happen because they happen and your role in the situation is likely to be less significant than you think. It’s tempting to unleash your inner narcissist and pretend you’re more important that you are, but this can lead to a very lonely and solipsistic view of the world.

So how do you break this cycle, refocus your attention and energy, and move on to greener pastures?

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Death & The Hookah Cartoon

death and the hooker or death and the hookar cartoon

(C)theastro-coach.com

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Could Rumination be the Death of You? Part 2 of 4

Could Rumination be the Death of You? Part 2 of 4

Rumination has negative effects both on the mind and the body and can be seen as a form of psychological self-harm. By entertaining and obsessing with negative thoughts, stress hormones and chemicals are released into the bloodstream. This can lead to cognitive malfunction – a loss of the ability to think rationally and an unfortunate and self damaging tendency to flare up in anger for no apparent reason.

Memory loss may result as stress hormones such as cortisol negatively impact the hippocampus, which not only stores and retrieves memories but also creates new brain cells via the process of neurogenesis.

A ruminating mind is therefore an unhappy, unhealthy and toxic environment to be in. When you replay arguments, losses or resentments, a sequence of inflammatory and destructive stress hormones spew forth into your bloodstream. The end result may be depression, cardiac and autoimmune disease and cancer.

Rumination leads to stress, raising cortisol levels and therefore stimulating an unhealthy physical response to the stress that is caused by it. You also get into a negative, more depressed state of mind and become less proactive about changing things; or even considering the possibility of change or transformation. The levels of feel good neurotransmitters such as dopamine and serotonin are suppressed, as is the production of acetylcholine, which is essential for focus and concentration.

Neurons that fire together wire together, so via neuroplasticity, you create and hardwire a negative mental map, wherein the same old scripts are run over and over again. These patterns etch into your brain, like ruts on a dirt track, encouraging your thoughts to take the same recursive paths over and over again. This becomes your reality, the way you process other information that is completely irrelevant.

Unless you manage to sort all this out, it will be your existential set point, the way you perceive and live your life until the lid is nailed onto your coffin.

All this can also lead to self-sabotaging behaviours such as binge eating and drinking, drug addiction, added stress and so on. Hypertension and high blood pressure can result, impacting the performance of the heart and thus the rest of the mind body system. The mind and brain become the unfortunate casualties of this process. So you have all the ingredients of a vicious, self-perpetuating cycle of self-destruction. And all of this chosen by yourself.

How much does that suck?

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Motivational MacAstro: How To Deal With A Toxic Person

Motivational MacAstro: How To Deal With A Toxic Person

how to deal with a toxic person image featuring skull

To find out more about How To Deal With A Toxic Person click on the link to get your free book sample

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Could Rumination be the Death of You? Part 1 of 4

Could Rumination be the Death of You? Part 1 of 4

Do you want to live in a permanent state of depression and unease, potentially shorten your life, poison your relationships and generally feel sour, disharmonious and miserable?

As a bonus, do you want to be a complete shit to everyone around you?

If so, rumination could be just the thing.

Rumination is the psychological process of turning the same thing over and over again in your mind, ad infinitum, without either solving the problem or moving on. Say you repeatedly think about an event in the past, something somebody said, a relationship which went sour that you feel you didn’t get closure on, this is what rumination is about.

It’s like a cow that chews and chews yet never swallows.

So is this a good or a bad thing? It all depends on your point of view, self-awareness, and what you do about it.

Some degree of self-reflection is admittedly important. Why have history if you don’t want to learn from the past? However, for some people, it can end up being an obsession that consumes all their time and energy. You live in the past, brooding away, processing an event or pattern of events over and over again, never coming to terms with anything.

There’s the tantalising sense that some form of resolution may, just may, become achievable. But it never does.

So you over analyse and get nowhere. You may share this activity with others, in a co-rumination pity party, where all of you go through each other’s issues until you arrive at the same point via a collective feeding frenzy. Thus reinforcing the situation, but getting nobody further forward.

It’s like holding a seance where everyone expects or hopes for something to happen. The same old hackneyed spells and incantations are chanted, but the spirit or solution never chooses to manifest.

By running over the same old ground, you become a hostage to the past and this stops you motoring forward. But the past is never quite what you think or believe or want it to be. The past is another country and each tourist will have a different view of it, based on their experience or perceptions.

One person’s intense unrequited crush that resulted in self-induced psychic scarring and regret may be the other party’s indifferent acquaintanceship that they were always looking for a way to get out of. Someone’s attempt at a throwaway light-hearted witty remark may send shock and awe waves around your mind for months.

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Toxic Sun Sign Relationships Available On Apple, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, Scribd & Smashwords.

Toxic Sun Sign Relationships

To find out more about the book and get a free 10% sample click on the link

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Zodiac Sign Flower Photo – Taurus Zodiac Sign Flower Photo – Taurus Flower Photo – Poppy Flower Photo

Zodiac Sign Flower Photo – Taurus Zodiac Sign Flower Photo – Taurus Flower Photo – Poppy Flower Photo

poppy emerging from bud photo

Poppies are associated with Venus ruled Taurus.

To find put more about which plants and flower belong with which Zodiac sign take a look in Zodiac Flowers – Flowers And Plants For Each Sun Sign follow this link to find out more and get your free sample. Also take a look at Zodiac Sign Flowers – Flowers And Plants For Each Sun Sign (click here to find out more and get your free sample), Zodiac Sign Flowers Photobook – A Collection of Flower Photographs for Each Sun Sign Vol. 1 (to find out more and get your free sample click on this link), Zodiac Sign Flowers Photobook – A Collection of Flower Photographs for Each Sun Sign Vol. 2 (to find out more and get your free sample click on this link) and Taurus Zodiac Flowers (to find out more and get your free sample click on this link)

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