Reinforce Your Friendships, Cull Your ToXiCs Part 2 of 2

Reinforce Your Friendships, Cull Your ToXiCs Part 2 of 2

If the Toxic feeds your mind with poisons (telling you that you ‘can’t’ possibly succeed in your resolution to change or do something different), those thoughts can embed and become part of your reality, especially at an unconscious level.

‘Oh,’ you think, as you look out of the window on a gray and wet January morning, ‘it’s cold and I can’t be bothered to go for a run. I’ll go back to bed instead and do it tomorrow’. One week later and you’ve yet to take that run, especially when you notice the subcutaneous fat encircling what used to be your waist. You meet the Toxic at the coffee shop, who dons their best ‘I told you so’ manner, a conspiratorial smile on their smug and gleeful face, and you realise what a toxic enabler this person is.

Better the devil you know than the positive change that really seems to much effort?

If you really do want to change and improve, people like this and the toxic thought chains they trigger in your mind (that keep you in a state of self-imposed idleness and failure), you’ll realise that they need to be discharged from your life – physically, mentally and emotionally. You may have more than one person like to deal with – a clusterfuck of toxics, so to speak, especially if they gang up on you to reinforce your natural disinclination to make changes to your life.

When a species grows to numbers that outstrip the resources necessary to sustain them, nature initiates a cull to rebalance things, and the excess numbers die off from starvation, inability to breed, predation or natural wastage, You should consider culling any superfluous influences that add no value to your life and in fact, undermine it. This can apply to foods that simply fill your gut whilst providing no nutritional advantage, items around the house you no longer like or need that have become dust traps or clutter, clothes that no longer suit you and so on.

These are all useful and admirable things to do, but you’ll find that culling toxic people is the most effective thing you can do. When you get rid of clutter that’s taking up space and costing you, you attain a sense of freedom and liberation – it’s as if by clearing space, you invite new energy and opportunity into your life. Similarly, once toxic influences depart, you get rid of a lot of repetitive, boring negative energy and clear the decks for newer, more positive influences. You spend more time doing things you like with your close friends, as opposed to discharging social obligations to people you don’t really like and who are bad to be around.

Out with the old and in with the new.

Toxics don’t like it when you get rid of them, and will plead, cajole or threaten in order to stay part of your life. You need to be firm and resolute when you wave goodbye to them, and stick to your guns. You’ll develop qualities of resilience, fortitude and courage.

You’ll find that by burning bridges, you light your path forward. Time to reach for the flamethrower, maybe?

There’s a specific technique that can be employed in the elimination of toxic influences known as TTP or the Toxic Termination Process.

The process can be summarised as identifying the Toxic (you’ll most likely know the main culprits, but consider the effect that other people have on your life and whether they enter the toxic radar screen too); and working out whether you can negotiate with them to encourage them to modify their behaviour (you’ll not be able to change who or what they are, but you can change the way they interact with you to something that you may find more acceptable, assuming you are prepared to keep them in your life).

If negotiation fails, or you just feel that it would be better for you to get rid of them permanently, you have two further stages – Last Rites, and Burial.

With Last Rites, you tell them that you want them out of your life – keep this short and direct and don’t let them argue or change your mind. The Burial phase completes the cull as you cut them out of your life completely. You don’t let them back in, whatever they say or try to do. You’ve made the decision that their departure from your life is essential and non-negotiable. If they have any honour or integrity they’ll respect your wishes. If not, then you simply ignore them (or fight them off) until they get the message.

Both you and they need to move on and not stay hostage to the past. That way, the changes you resolve to make will take place as you are eliminating one of the main and most insistent hindrances to change and progress.

To find out more about how to deal with a toxic person checkout my How To Deal With People Who Are ToXiC . Click on the link to find out more and get your free sample.

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Reinforce Your Friendships, Cull Your ToXiCs Part 1 of 2

Reinforce Your Friendships, Cull Your ToXiCs Part 1 of 2

New Year, new life, new opportunity, resolutions, getting better, stronger, fitter, happier, sexier, richer.

Take your pick. Life’s a smorgasbord of opportunity if you approach it the right way – fill your boots with new experiences and give your brain a neuroplastic workout at the same time. Your brain likes learning new things – it’s what it has evolved to do, and it literally dies if lacking stimulus.

It’s the season for change and new beginnings and whatnot, stimulated by the intoxicating social whirl and blowout of the preceding festive times. Whether those changes last until springtime is clearly another matter, and depends upon individual will, commitment, planning and execution, action and sometimes blind luck.

Basically, it depends upon your reading of whether the anticipated results are worth the effort of lifestyle and behavioural change. Change takes time and effort – it’s got to be compelling enough for someone to make a wholesale and unequivocal commitment.

Sometimes it’s more effective to make incremental changes, as opposed to titanic, sweeping and all pervasive ones where you sense that your resolve will evaporate at the first opportunity. Start off small and make larger changes once the smaller ones have succeeded. Saving money by cutting down the number of lattes you consume at the local coffee shop, whilst reducing your calorie intake, then embarking on a financial remodel and finding an exercise routine that works for you. That kind of thing.

Not rocket science, right?

Often it’s the people around us that either make or break our decisions to change fundamental or even trivial aspects of our life. Supportive people will encourage and egg you on, providing motivation and support. Other people, commonly known as Toxics, the type of people who are fundamentally bad to have around, will do their best to sabotage your endeavours. Sure, on the surface they may appear to be supportive and encouraging, but if you’re attentive to what they actually say and do, their body language, use of words and tone, you’ll soon detect that they’re trying to keep you exactly as you are, right here, right now.

Why so? Is it simple malice or a lack of belief on their part that you are capable of making the change? More likely, it’s that the Toxic prefers you as you currently are. That way, they feel they know you sufficiently well to be able to control and manipulate you. If you change (especially if they perceive it to be at their expense), fear scuttles around their minds like a rodent rushing around a maze in a research lab. After all, if you change yourself through your own resolve and will power, what’s to stop you changing your circle of friends and deciding that the Toxic no longer has a role to play in your life?

So if the Toxic wants to cling onto you like a cancerous invasion, they want you to stay as you are. But that’s simply not an option as everything changes, even if the rate of that change appears to be imperceptible. The Toxic themself is changing, much as they may want things to remain encased in amber, as they fear lack of certainty. Their mind may be ossified, trapped in a deadly embrace of toxic negativity of their own choosing, but their bodies will be ageing, something they won’t be comfortable with, assuming they can even face the inevitability of their own mortality. That’s too sad and too bad and tears will no doubt be shed, but there’s no reason for them to take you down with them.

New Year is a great time to do an audit of your life, especially the people within it.

How many of them are indispensable – those who support and nurture you, who are great fun to be around and always there for you? These are the ones you want to hold close, not in a creepy and suffocating way, but they definitely are the keepers, who you, in return support and nurture as part of your overall life context and ecosystem.

There’ll be a number of ‘nice to knows’, people you like and may share the odd superficial confidence with, but are definitely on the periphery of your inner circle. Of course, as you get to know some of them better, you may choose to make your friendship with them closer, intensifying your attachment.

Then there are people you like or accept at a superficial level, but beyond that you have no stronger feelings, maybe the barkeeper who stirs you a magnificent martini and adorns it with the finest olives. You don’t currently know them or their backstory in sufficient detail to form an opinion beyond how effective they are in your service, and you don’t, at present, feel any compunction to do so.

Finally, on the extreme periphery, baying on the hinterland, you have the toxic influences, people who are no good for you in any way. Those who profess friendship (and think they should be on the inner circle), but who, in reality, constantly undermine you. You know who these people are and are aware that they add no value in your life, but, currently at least, you tolerate them. Maybe you’re not prepared to stand up to them or make the effort to get rid of them, or perhaps you have a misplaced sense of loyalty. You may just be used to them, like the wart you keep meaning to get rid of but never quite get round to dealing with.

The problem you have is that the longer you allow them to contaminate your life, the more entrenched they become, rather like an ingrowing hair that you don’t deal with immediately and curls and grows under your skin, forming an unattractive bump that could turn septic. As a corollary, this makes it more difficult to get rid of them. They’ve acquired squatters rights in your mind and have embedded themselves into the very neurons of your brain.

Overdramatic?

Not at all – the more you are exposed to something and the more you think about it, the stronger the impact it has on your brain. Neural pathways are forged and gain persistence. Neurons that fire together wire together.

To find out more about how to deal with a toxic person checkout my How To Deal With People Who Are ToXiC . Click on the link to find out more and get your free sample.

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Zodiac Sign Flower Photo – Scorpio Zodiac Sign Flower Photo – Scorpio Flower Photo – Bird of Paradise Flower Photo

Zodiac Sign Flower Photo – Scorpio Zodiac Sign Flower Photo – Scorpio Flower Photo – Bird of Paradise Flower Photo

 

aquarius-zodiac-sign-flower-photo

The bird of paradise plant is associated with Scorpio (and Aquarius).

To find put more about which plants and flower belong with which Zodiac sign take a look in Zodiac Flowers – Flowers And Plants For Each Sun Sign follow this link to find out more and get your free sample. Also take a look at Zodiac Sign Flowers – Flowers And Plants For Each Sun Sign (click here to find out more and get your free sample), Zodiac Sign Flowers Photobook – A Collection of Flower Photographs for Each Sun Sign Vol. 1 (to find out more and get your free sample click on this link) and Zodiac Sign Flowers Photobook – A Collection of Flower Photographs for Each Sun Sign Vol. 2 (to find out more and get your free sample click on this link).

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Thought Crime 2017 – Choosing the Right Thoughts – Part 2 of 2

Thought Crime 2017 – Choosing the Right Thoughts – Part 2 of 2

Why does this matter? Well, your thoughts are one of the many important determinants of how you experience your life. They’re part of your ecosystem, your daily mental habitat, like the books you read, movies you enjoy, songs you listen to, people you hang with and what they say to you, and how they influence you. They create a culture in which you operate and develop, a bit like a petri dish or a habitat, you might say. All of the latter of course can resonate within your mind and become absorbed into your thoughts and thought trains.

Tracking the origin of a thought sequence over a period of time is an interesting exercise in itself, especially if you go back to the origin and trace the causal cycle. You often find that no thought is original to you – someone has usually put it there, or you’ve just absorbed it by osmosis, not even thinking about it. Not questioning whether it’s true or false, or adds value to or detracts from your life.

Interesting, non?

It’s also evident that a significant number of these thoughts, no matter how many you entertain on a daily basis, are likely to be repetitive; often re-runs of past experience or predictions of an uncertain future when things may be ‘better’.

So in a way, you need to become a thought sentinel, the gatekeeper of your own mind. If you repeat a thought such as ‘I’ll never amount to anything or ever be good enough’ on a regular basis, is that thought going to be your default setting, your reality? Is that thought original to you, did it sneak into your head and find fertile soil due to the way your mind is configured, or was it pretty much hammered in there by a parental or authority figure? If so, how long ago, and how has it affected your life? Is it relevant, was it ever, and does it need to keep ricocheting around the corridors of your mind?

Did you know that certain thoughts phrased in specific ways can create an indelible footprint on your brain? Your amygdala, which controls emotion and fear, is very susceptible to certain words or word patterns. Just say the word ‘depression’ a few times and see how you feel. Negative words and thoughts will stimulate your amygdala into a constant ‘fight or flight’ status, producing the stress hormone cortisol in order to ready you to deal with a perceived threat. Over time, your brain and body will suffer – you’ll start to lose your memory and feel constantly stressed, which will compromise your immune system and affect the quality of your life. Thoughts are things, and can assume a life of their own. Be very vigilant what you think and how it makes you feel.

So you can see that these pesky thoughts need to be examined, looked at, and if they’re harmful to you, rooted out and eliminated. Which is why it’s useful to keep a thought audit. When you detect these regularly occurring thought trains, and note their insidious nature, you can decide what to do with them.

You can see yourself as an observer, quite an objective one, of your own thoughts. You might think ‘ah, there’s that thought that keeps running that says I’m no good. Now, where did that one come from. Of course, my aunt who never liked me. And she died years ago. So why am I keeping that vile person in my mind, why am I letting her affect me. Why am I honoring that old horror?’

So now you get to the root of things. The thoughts that aren’t your own, the falsehoods that have crept into your mind and impacted you. Thoughts that simply are not you, or the you that was meant to be.

They’ll keep crawling back unless you make an effort to stop them, change the script and simply nuke them. When a negative thought makes its entrance onto the stage of your mind, just think ‘pattern interrupt’, ‘cancel’, ‘positive opportunity’, or be more Anglo Saxon and just say ‘fuck off’. Then replace it with a positive thought or thought train like ‘I’m cool and groovy and am having a great life,’ or however you want to phrase it. Over a period of time, you’ll sculpt new neural pathways and these more positive feelings will embed and become part of you. Neurons that fire together wire together.

This is a process of mental detoxification. Your mission, should you chose to accept it, is to ensure the majority of your thoughts are affirmative, even assertive, and framed in positive language. At the very least, your default mindset should be neutral and not stray into negative territory. It can take a while to eradicate past conditioning, but try it, your life will turn out a lot better than you thought. It’s also worth having a cool objective look at the books you read, music you listen to, news media that you follow, and people you consort with. Anything toxic in your life should be removed, and that means individuals you know who constantly undermine your or add no value to your life.

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Dog Cartoon – Man’s Best Friend – Man And Dog Meditating Cartoon

Dog Cartoon – Man’s Best Friend – Man And Dog Meditating Cartoon

dog meditating cartoon

(c) theastro-coach.com

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Thought Crime 2017 – Choosing the Right Thoughts Part 1

Thought Crime 2017 – Choosing the Right Thoughts Part 1

How many thoughts do you have per day?

Have you ever considered the matter? Think about it. But not for too long.

Estimates on the web vary, from between 20,000 to 70,000. Napoleon Hill put the number at 50,000. Deepak Chopra apparently said between 60,000 and 80,000 per day (http://archive.chopra.com/namaste/may07).

Now that’s a lot of thoughts. Let’s try to get some specificity on this and take the higher number of 80,000. If we assume the thoughts are spread over a 24 hour day (and your mind is still online when you sleep, obviously), that gives us 3,333 thoughts per hour, or 55.55 thoughts per minute or .95 thoughts per second on average. Which sounds as if your thoughts are turbo-nuclear charged and reeling through various quantum dimensions.

Let’s say we go for the lower 60,000 number and the math stacks up at 2,500 thoughts per hour, 41.66 thoughts per minute or .69 thoughts per second. That’s still less than one thought per minute, right? These numbers clearly adjust if we assume that we sleep 8 hours per day and make the big bungee leap that sleeping time is not conducive to thought, so we have 16 hours per day of thought time. That means we have two thoughts per second or something similar – I retired the calculator at this point.

It’s not clear whether these estimates are over a 24 hour period, inclusive of sleeping and dreaming, or thoughts that are generated during waking consciousness. The definition of what a thought actually is can be unclear. Do the figures just include conscious cognition – the stuff you are aware of when you articulate it? Or do they also include thoughts from the subconscious as well, that great subterranean thought strata that has such an effect on our lives? Then again, how do you measure a subconscious thought if you are usually unaware of it?

When you think ‘this is a thought’ or ‘thinking’, and take it no further, does that count as one, just as you might think ‘I’d like a glass of wine’. You see a car and think, BMW. You might register it as being silver, you may momentarily note the number plate and check out whether or not the driver is a hottie and so on. But is this a thought, a labelling or an associative stream? How much of this takes place at a conscious or subconscious level and so on. All interesting and awesomely vexing stuff, right?

Or are thought trains or habitual thought patterns included as one thought, say, a recurring but consistent sequence of self-judgements or fantasies? Maybe your whole thought cycle is a stream of consciousness, with one thought merging into another in a constant narrative flow, just as when you look at a river all you see is the rushing of the water, and you are not conscious of the individual water molecules. Which all sounds very Zen and Buddhist and awesome. Which we like.

Which also means that trying to catch thoughts is like going to Zanzibar in order to herd cats, another idea that we like (though the cat is less keen). So maybe it doesn’t matter how many thoughts we have – it may be the quality, not the quantity of the thoughts that count. Consider the following quote from one of the best selling and influential personal growth books ever penned.

‘Truly, “thoughts are things,” and powerful things at that, when they are mixed with definiteness of purpose, persistence, and a burning desire for their translation into riches, or other material objects.”’ – Napoleon Hill, Think and Grow Rich

Thought trains are interesting as they form a sequence of associative words and feelings that in many ways define you, especially if you repeat them on a regular basis. They can become personal mantras or lifestyle leitmotifs. Objectively it doesn’t matter what their content is or whether they are positive or negative – they’re just associate sequences, combinations of words, images and ideas, right? Subjectively, however, they can colour the whole tone of your feeling and experience, and therefore assume a very important role in how you experience and enjoy your life.

Let’s take a guess and settle at 30,000 thoughts per day. That means 20,000 during waking hours and 10,000 during sleeping hours, assuming you get the standard 8 hour sleep period. Your brain is very active when you sleep and progress through hypnagogia, light sleep, deep delta wave sleep and vivid REM dream sequences. What are dreams but visual thoughts, especially if you learn lucid dreaming and how to gain some traction and control over the dream narrative? So if we do the math, we find that we generate 10,000 thoughts over an eight hour period or 1250 per hour, each thought lasting roughly 20 seconds.

Does that sound about right to you? Maybe sit down and work out how many thoughts you have per minute. Write them down if you like. Then extrapolate to get your hourly and daily average. This is an interesting exercise in itself, as it starts to get at the regularity and consistency of your thinking process. It also gets your mental arithmetic going and gives your brain a workout. Unless you do the default and use a calculator or spreadsheet.

As an example, the thought ‘there’s a BMW,’ takes around 3 seconds. Add the colour, number plate, model, whether or not you like the driver and so on, you’re maybe taking 10-15 seconds. So you’d be experiencing say 4-5 thought/thought sequences per minute, depending on content, context, emotional resonance and so on.

Reflection on something new novel, profound or important will be more elaborate. Say you are thinking about the meaning of your life or whether you really are in love with your latest squeeze, this will take longer and probably cascade into a series of thought trains, ruminations, fantasies or desires, some of which will be richly textured and pregnant with meaning to you. And so on. These thought trains can take minutes or longer, often repeat themselves and may spin into daydreams or other narrative and emotion rich fantasies. They may even haunt your dreams.

OK, now you’ve done it and your brain hurts a little, maybe. But you’ve probably never thought about doing this before, and life is all about having new experiences, right?

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Broken Sun Sign Relationships eBook Out In February

Broken Sun Sign Relationships eBook Out In February

Broken Sun Sign Relationships Book Cover

Hope you like the cover!

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Zodiac Sign Flower Photo – Taurus Zodiac Sign Flower Photo – Taurus Flower Photo – Fennel Flower Photo

Zodiac Sign Flower Photo – Taurus Zodiac Sign Flower Photo – Taurus Flower Photo – Fennel Flower Photo

 

taurus-zodiac-sign-flower-photo-fennel

Fennel is associated with Taurus.

To find put more about which plants and flower belong with which Zodiac sign take a look in Zodiac Flowers – Flowers And Plants For Each Sun Sign follow this link to find out more and get your free sample. Also take a look at Zodiac Sign Flowers – Flowers And Plants For Each Sun Sign (click here to find out more and get your free sample), Zodiac Sign Flowers Photobook – A Collection of Flower Photographs for Each Sun Sign Vol. 1 (to find out more and get your free sample click on this link) and Zodiac Sign Flowers Photobook – A Collection of Flower Photographs for Each Sun Sign Vol. 2 (to find out more and get your free sample click on this link). To find out which flowers are associated with Taurus check out Taurus Zodiac Sign Flowers Photo Book (click on the link to find out more and get you free sample).

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Cat got your tongue cartoon

Cat got your tongue cartoon

cat got your tongue cartoon

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How To Get Rid Of People Who Are ToXiC

New page created for the How To Get Rid Of People Who Are ToXiC ebook.

Click on the link to view

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